Train Up a Child

My last 11 years of child rearing have been quite a learning experience. The first thing I learned was that they sure have minds of their own! My newfangled psychological ideas quickly went out the window and we went to the right place, the Bible. The only problem was that we mistakenly believed a few pastor/published author types would have a better spin on clear biblical teaching than, well, clear biblical teaching.

We learned a lot from a few wise pastors. My favorite parenting book is Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. Methods have their place, but we’ve found the loopholes in all the methods. Tripp’s book is probably the least methods-oriented of our collection, but I can still see the cookie cutter forming as the greater context of God’s example to His children in scripture is not applied.

The scriptures are clear: children need consistent, loving discipline. But it is interesting—God’s example to His children is one of extreme patience and a lot of natural consequences. So based on the age of the child in question, we try to balance these two approaches. I am also careful not to be a nag. Obedience is not optional in our house; therefore, I don’t nit-pick. Their lives shouldn’t be a burden, and I don’t want to set them up to fail. Isn’t that the idea of the Ten Commandments? Ten is enough, thank you very much!

My biggest challenge (no doubt due to my compliant, people-pleasing nature) has always been the patience. I literally thought I could produce very well-behaved children without much effort. I had no idea how hard it would be and how loosely I would have to apply the term, well-behaved. Back when I just had two and Pookie was at the height of her toddler rebellion, I said to TM, "I’m so discouraged! Douglas Wilson said that you can make your child stop doing anything if you just discipline them right away every time they do it for three days. That’s what I’ve been trying to do for about 2 years now!" Then my astute husband gave me the best parenting advice I have ever heard. He reminded me that the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." The Bible said OLD! It didn’t say in three days. Now those are some expectations I can live with.